Wednesday, July 23, 2014

distract me pls

  • 1: Is there a boy/girl in your life?
  • 2: Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them?
  • 3: What do you think of when you hear the word “meow?”
  • 4: What’s something you really want right now?
  • 5: Are you afraid of falling in love?
  • 6: Do you like the beach?
  • 7: Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?
  • 8: What’s the background on your cell?
  • 9: Name the last four beds you were sat on?
  • 10: Do you like your phone?
  • 11: Honestly, are things going the way you planned?
  • 12: Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts?
  • 13: Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler?
  • 14: Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?
  • 15: Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?
  • 16: Are you tired?
  • 17: How long have you known your 1st phone contact?
  • 18: Are they a relative?
  • 19: Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes?
  • 20: When did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with?
  • 21: If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?
  • 22: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
  • 23: How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?
  • 24: Is there a certain quote you live by?
  • 25: What’s on your mind?
  • 26: Do you have any tattoos?
  • 27: What is your favorite color?
  • 28: Next time you will kiss someone on the lips?
  • 29: Who are you texting?
  • 30: Think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch?
  • 31: Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right?
  • 32: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?
  • 33: Do you think anyone has feelings for you?
  • 34: Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?
  • 35: Say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you?
  • 36: Were you single on Valentines Day?
  • 37: Are you friends with the last person you kissed?
  • 38: What do your friends call you?
  • 39: Has anyone upset you in the last week?
  • 40: Have you ever cried over a text?
  • 41: Where’s your last bruise located?
  • 42: What is it from?
  • 43: Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad?
  • 44: Who was the last person you were on the phone with?
  • 45: Do you have a favourite pair of shoes?
  • 46: Do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day?
  • 47: Would you ever go bald if it was the style?
  • 48: Do you make supper for your family?
  • 49: Does your bedroom have a door?
  • 50: Top 3 web-pages?
  • 51: Do you know anyone who hates shopping?
  • 52: Does anything on your body hurt?
  • 53: Are goodbyes hard for you?
  • 54: What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?
  • 55: How is your hair?
  • 56: What do you usually do first in the morning?
  • 57: Do you think two people can last forever?
  • 58: Think back to January 2007, were you single?
  • 59: Green or purple grapes?
  • 60: When’s the next time you will give someone a BIG hug?
  • 61: Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?
  • 62: When will be the next time you text someone?
  • 63: Where will you be 5 hours from now?
  • 64: What were you doing at 8 this morning.
  • 65: This time last year, can you remember who you liked?
  • 66: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?
  • 67: Did you kiss or hug anyone today?
  • 68: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?
  • 69: Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?
  • 70: How many windows are open on your computer?
  • 71: How many fingers do you have?
  • 72: What is your ringtone?
  • 73: How old will you be in 5 months?
  • 74: Where is your Mum right now?
  • 75: Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love?
  • 76: Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?
  • 77: Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?
  • 78: Do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7?
  • 79: Is there anyone you know with the name Mike?
  • 80: Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?
  • 81: How many people have you liked in the past three months?
  • 82: Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days?
  • 83: Will you talk to the person you like tonight?
  • 84: You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?
  • 85: If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care?
  • 86: What was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie?
  • 87: Who was your last received call from?
  • 88: If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you?
  • 89: What is something you wish you had more of?
  • 90: Have you ever trusted someone too much?
  • 91: Do you sleep with your window open?
  • 92: Do you get along with girls?
  • 93: Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?
  • 94: Does sex mean love?
  • 95: You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?
  • 96: Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring?
  • 97: Did you sleep alone this week?
  • 98: Everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you?
  • 99: Do you believe in love at first sight?
  • 100: Who was the last person that you pinky promise?
Tuesday, July 22, 2014

These are the most NSFW asks I have ever seen. Obliterate me.

  • 1. What tends to feel better for you, sex or masturbation?
  • 2. Your 5 favorite spots to be stimulated.
  • 3. Have you ever had your prostate stimulated?
  • 4. Have you ever had an orgasm from anywhere other than your genitals?
  • 5. Do you prefer clitoral or vaginal stimulation?
  • 6. Can you touch your clitoris directly, or does that hurt?
  • 7. Are you well-acquainted with your G-spot?
  • 8. Are handjobs boring, or underrated?
  • 9. Do you like having your balls touched?
  • 10. Do you like having your nipples touched?
  • 11. Do you like having your anus touched?
  • 12. Have you ever been fisted (anally or vaginally)?
  • 13. Do you like mild roughness (scratching, spanking, hair-pulling, etc.)?
  • 14. Do you have any kinks?
  • 15. Are you into anything under the BDSM umbrella?
  • 16. Do you pee in the shower?
  • 17. Do you ever masturbate in the shower?
  • 18. Have you had sex in the shower?
  • 19. Do you like being naked?
  • 20. Do you sleep partially/fully naked?
  • 21. Have you ever skinny dipped?
  • 22. What's the most unusual thing you've done nude?
  • 23. Have you ever to a nude beach, naked party, or other situation involving casual nudity?
  • 24. Are you comfortable being seen partially/fully naked by family or friends (i.e. getting dressed, etc.)?
  • 25. Are you comfortable with partners seeing you nude in non-sexual contexts?
  • 26. Have you ever showered with someone (non-sexually)?
  • 27. Do you care if a partner sees you going to the bathroom?
  • 28. Do you have naked pictures/videos of yourself? If yes, have you sent them to anyone? Are they online?
  • 29. How many sexual partners have you had?
  • 30. How often do you masturbate?
  • 31. Age you started masturbating? How did you discover/learn about it?
  • 32. What position do you typically masturbate in (laying on back, on stomach, sitting up, etc.)?
  • 33. Describe your masturbation routine, technique, etc.
  • 34. What do you masturbate to (porn, smut, imagination, etc.)?
  • 35. Have you ever masturbated to the point you got sore?
  • 36. Your thoughts the first time you got up close and personal with the opposite set of genitals?
  • 37. Have you ever "compared" (genitals, breasts, whatever) with a friend?
  • 38. What kind of underwear do you normally wear?
  • 39. Do you ever go commando?
  • 40. Have you ever had a wet dream/orgasmed in your sleep?
  • 41. How big is your penis?
  • 42. Does your penis curve at all?
  • 43. Which testicle hangs lower?
  • 44. How big are your breasts?
  • 45. Do you long or short labia? Are they even or uneven?
  • 46. Do you have a particularly large or tiny clitoris?
  • 47. Are you circumcised or no? Are you happy with it?
  • 48. Are you turned on or off by foreskin, or don't care?
  • 49. What are you more into (or like more about yourself), boobs or butts?
  • 50. Do you find genitals physically attractive, or weird/gross, or not feel strongly either way?
  • 51. Do you like the way your genitals look?
  • 52. Would you be able to pick out your genitals from a lineup?
  • 53. Do you like your butt?
  • 54. What do you do with your pubic hair (shave, trim, wax, nothing, etc.)?
  • 55. Do you care/have a preference what partners do with their pubic hair?
  • 56. Do you tuck your penis a certain way (i.e. left or right) when you get dressed?
  • 57. Do you have or want any genital piercings? Do you like any on other people?
  • 58. What is the quickest you've ever brought yourself (or been brought) to orgasm?
  • 59. Do you ever "edge" (repeatedly stop and start) when masturbating?
  • 60. What's the longest masturbation session you've had? Longest sex session?
  • 61. What's the most orgasms you've had in one session (of anything)?
  • 62. Do your orgasms tend to be full-body, or crotch-centric?
  • 63. Spit or swallow?
  • 64. When you ejaculate, do you more shoot or dribble?
  • 65. Is it hot or gross to get ejaculated on?
  • 66. Do you "squirt?"
  • 67. Have you ever attempted (or succeeded) to give yourself oral?
  • 68. Have you ever given/received a footjob, boobjob, etc.?
  • 69. Have you ever had sex in a public place?
  • 70. Have you ever had sex in a bed/on a couch that didn't belong to either of you?
  • 71. Have you ever had sex/masturbated while somebody was sleeping near you?
  • 72. How many rooms of your house/apartment/etc. have you had sex in?
  • 73. Strangest/most unique place you've had sex? How about masturbated?
  • 74. Have you had any sexual experiences that were downright gross?
  • 75. Are you particularly "vocal" when masturbating/having sex?
  • 76. Have you ever been caught masturbating/having sex?
  • 77. Have you had or do you want to have a threesome (or foursome, or more)?
  • 78. Do you own any sex toys?
  • 79. Have you ever used a homemade sex toy, or a regular object as a sex toy?
  • 80. Can a dildo feel as good as a penis (assuming the person with the penis is good at what they do)?
  • 81. What are your favorite positions?
  • 82. Your most embarrassing sexual experience?
  • 83. Worst place/time you've ever gotten a boner?
  • 84. Have you ever had any genital injuries?
  • 85. Have you ever had a sexually transmitted infection?
  • 86. Have you ever had a non-sexually transmitted genital infection (yeast infection, etc)?
  • 87. If you lack a penis, have you ever tried to pee standing up?
  • 88. If you lack a penis, how familiar are you with how you look down there?
  • 89. Do you think you're "good" at sex, or your performance/skill could use improvement?
  • 90. Have you "sexted" (whether through text messaging or IM chat)?
  • 91. Have you masturbated for or with someone via webcam?
  • 92. Have you have phone sex?
  • 93. If you had the opposite set of genitals for a day, name 5 things you would do.
  • 94. What's something you like about your body?
  • 95. What's something you dislike about your body?
  • 96. What body parts do you find the sexiest?
  • 97. What was your most recent sexual thought?
  • 98. Do you ever just play with your boobs, penis, labia, etc.?
  • 99. When was the last time you touched your genitals?
  • 100. Do you often imagine people naked?

elevenpointfiveastronauts:

daruska:

croutoncat:

PUT A NAME IN MY ASK AND I’LL TALK ABOUT SOMEONE I KNOW/ONCE KNEW WITH THAT NAME

im really into this please do this

I will kiss your nose if you do this.

Monday, July 21, 2014

Reblog if you want one of these in your askbox:

askboxmemes:

  • A compliment or insult
  • A story
  • Why you follow me
  • If you met me what would you do
  • A cute message
  • One thing you want to tell me
  • One thing you want to know about me
Sunday, July 20, 2014

I fucked up.

Read More

Saturday, July 19, 2014

Read More

Friday, July 18, 2014

Hey guys, talk to me? I’m not feeling well and I could use some company..

magnificenthoofbeasts:

purple-monkey-dish-washer:

hannanigans:

aaamaaazooon:

LET’S DO A REVIEW OF LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH
WE GOT THIS SHIT AS A CHRISTMAS GIFT THANKS TO BERRY-SCENTED TUMBLR USER JENNYLOGGINS
I AM A HULKING, BURLY, MASCULINE MAN, SO USUALLY I USE OLD SPICE OR IRISH SPRING OR SOME MANLY SHIT LIKE THAT BUT TODAY I WAS OUT OF SOAP SO I USED THIS SHIT
FIRST OFF LET’S START WITH THE PACKAGING

THIS FUCKING RAINBOW-ASS UNICORN IS THERE IN THE SHOWER EVERY DAY, EVERY FUCKING DAY THIS LITTLE FAGGOT SITS THERE AND GIVES ME THAT SULTRY GAZE WHILE IM TRYING TO CLEAN MY VULNERABLE NAKED ASS


rub me on your body

ALSO IT’S WORTH NOTING THAT THIS SHIT COMES WITH A WARNING NOT ONLY TO KEEP IT OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN BUT THAT PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO YOUR SKIN CAN GIVE YOU RASHES AND PROBABLY UNICORN HERPES OR SOME OTHER SHIT

IDK ABOUT YALL BUT LAST I CHECKED THE EXACT PURPOSE OF BODY WASH IS PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO YOUR SKIN SO THAT RIGHT THERE WAS A RED FLAG BUT I PROCEEDED, ALBEIT WITH PROPER PRECAUTION AS TO AVOID APPLYING AROUND MY EYES AS DIRECTED BY THE PACKAGING OF LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH. ALSO IT SAYS TO KEEP IT OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN WHICH LEADS ME TO BELIEVE THEY ARE MARKETING THIS PRODUCT NOT FOR CHILDREN BUT FOR GROWN MEN SUCH AS MYSELF
I APPLIED A GENEROUS AMOUNT TO MY HANDS TO BEGIN THE CLEANING.


i’m so fucked up

AND THAT WAS WHEN THE MOST POTENT SMELL OF ARTIFICIALLY FLAVORED BERRY I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED IN MY LIFE HIT ME LIKE A FUCKING EARTHQUAKE
I NEARLY FELL OVER IN THE SHOWER. IT WAS SO FUCKING BERRY. IT WAS LIKE I MADE SWEET LOVE TO AN ANTHROPOMORPHIC BERRY WOMAN AND DOVE NOSE-FIRST INTO HER GUSHING FRUITY LOINS. THERE WAS NO FURTHER DOUBT THAT THIS WAS INDEED LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH. IT’S NO WONDER LISA FRANK’S ART IS ALL SO COLORFUL, SHE’S FUCKING HIGH AS BALLS HUFFING HER BERRY-ASS BODY WASH.
IT GOT ME CLEAN BUT I HAVE A HEADACHE FROM ALL THAT FUCKING BERRY. I UNDERSTAND THE WARNING LABEL NOW. THIS SHIT IS PROBABLY TOXIC TO SMALL CHILDREN, IT’LL BERRY THEIR FUCKING BRAIN CELLS TO DEATH. DO NOT TRUST THAT SULTRY UNICORN. YOU SEE THE MILKY WHITE COLOR IT’S PROBABLY HIS SPOOGE IN THAT BOTTLE IT’S NOT EVEN BODY WASH I JUST CLEANED MYSELF WITH BUBBLY BERRY UNICORN BATTER
0/10 WOULD NOT BERRY AGAIN

I tried so hard not to reblog

^ don’t lie to me

Every single fucking time this comes onto my dash I laugh like a fucking maniac.

magnificenthoofbeasts:

purple-monkey-dish-washer:

hannanigans:

aaamaaazooon:

LET’S DO A REVIEW OF LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH

WE GOT THIS SHIT AS A CHRISTMAS GIFT THANKS TO BERRY-SCENTED TUMBLR USER JENNYLOGGINS

I AM A HULKING, BURLY, MASCULINE MAN, SO USUALLY I USE OLD SPICE OR IRISH SPRING OR SOME MANLY SHIT LIKE THAT BUT TODAY I WAS OUT OF SOAP SO I USED THIS SHIT

FIRST OFF LET’S START WITH THE PACKAGING

image

THIS FUCKING RAINBOW-ASS UNICORN IS THERE IN THE SHOWER EVERY DAY, EVERY FUCKING DAY THIS LITTLE FAGGOT SITS THERE AND GIVES ME THAT SULTRY GAZE WHILE IM TRYING TO CLEAN MY VULNERABLE NAKED ASS

image

rub me on your body

ALSO IT’S WORTH NOTING THAT THIS SHIT COMES WITH A WARNING NOT ONLY TO KEEP IT OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN BUT THAT PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO YOUR SKIN CAN GIVE YOU RASHES AND PROBABLY UNICORN HERPES OR SOME OTHER SHIT

image

IDK ABOUT YALL BUT LAST I CHECKED THE EXACT PURPOSE OF BODY WASH IS PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO YOUR SKIN SO THAT RIGHT THERE WAS A RED FLAG BUT I PROCEEDED, ALBEIT WITH PROPER PRECAUTION AS TO AVOID APPLYING AROUND MY EYES AS DIRECTED BY THE PACKAGING OF LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH. ALSO IT SAYS TO KEEP IT OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN WHICH LEADS ME TO BELIEVE THEY ARE MARKETING THIS PRODUCT NOT FOR CHILDREN BUT FOR GROWN MEN SUCH AS MYSELF

I APPLIED A GENEROUS AMOUNT TO MY HANDS TO BEGIN THE CLEANING.

image

i’m so fucked up

AND THAT WAS WHEN THE MOST POTENT SMELL OF ARTIFICIALLY FLAVORED BERRY I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED IN MY LIFE HIT ME LIKE A FUCKING EARTHQUAKE

I NEARLY FELL OVER IN THE SHOWER. IT WAS SO FUCKING BERRY. IT WAS LIKE I MADE SWEET LOVE TO AN ANTHROPOMORPHIC BERRY WOMAN AND DOVE NOSE-FIRST INTO HER GUSHING FRUITY LOINS. THERE WAS NO FURTHER DOUBT THAT THIS WAS INDEED LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH. IT’S NO WONDER LISA FRANK’S ART IS ALL SO COLORFUL, SHE’S FUCKING HIGH AS BALLS HUFFING HER BERRY-ASS BODY WASH.

IT GOT ME CLEAN BUT I HAVE A HEADACHE FROM ALL THAT FUCKING BERRY. I UNDERSTAND THE WARNING LABEL NOW. THIS SHIT IS PROBABLY TOXIC TO SMALL CHILDREN, IT’LL BERRY THEIR FUCKING BRAIN CELLS TO DEATH. DO NOT TRUST THAT SULTRY UNICORN. YOU SEE THE MILKY WHITE COLOR IT’S PROBABLY HIS SPOOGE IN THAT BOTTLE IT’S NOT EVEN BODY WASH I JUST CLEANED MYSELF WITH BUBBLY BERRY UNICORN BATTER

0/10 WOULD NOT BERRY AGAIN

I tried so hard not to reblog

^ don’t lie to me

Every single fucking time this comes onto my dash I laugh like a fucking maniac.

(Source: braingremlin)

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

1) for the first time today I squirted from P in V sex. No other stimulation. I don’t know, I might have peed on him. Twice. He was pretty chill about it. Like, we had to stop and clean up before switching positions and I was really scared some of it would get on the carpet while I was running for a towel (most of it was on him and it was unexpected so yeah totally unprepared) but it was pretty nice.

2) even though it was nice, I had a panic attack/ flashback/ major regression/ not fun possible dissociation thing after it. Sir forgot that squirting has all sorts of emotions tied up in it. Oops.

3) I need to bounce around on my bed when my internet goes out because I think the Ethernet cord is motion-activated.

4) I’m out of water but don’t feel like walking to the fountain.